


he always knew

by ttoziers



Category: Stranger Things - Fandom
Genre: Gay, M/M, Mileven breakup, Oneshot, Soft Boys, They love each other, byler get together, mileven angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-05 11:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17324027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ttoziers/pseuds/ttoziers
Summary: mike knew that he never really liked el in that way.





	he always knew

**Author's Note:**

> for ariona.

mike knew that he never really liked el in that way. there was no reason for him to do so. the problem was that she was the only girl to ever show him attention in a way that he wasn’t used to. he craved the feeling of being wanted as more than a friend. he dreamed of having someone to cuddle up with on cold winter nights. he wished to hold hands with someone in the rain. he desired the thought of having someone to go on thrilling adventures with, someone who wouldn’t mind taking risks every second of the way. he craved someone who would want him as much as he wanted them, and el was the only person who he thought that he had a chance with.

 

so mike turned his cravings into something unhealthy. he let his heart take over his brain, he let himself think that el was the one that he needed. he knew that he was doing the wrong thing, he knew that he wouldn’t be happy, he knew he would regret everything sooner or later. but mike wanted someone to love him so badly that he let the thought take over. 

 

mike led himself to believe that he had fallen for the girl with the extraterrestrial powers and the extreme lack of vocabulary. he led himself to believe that he needed this girl, this dumb girl that he had barely known for a week, when really, he wanted nothing to do with her at all.

 

the days went by and mike thought. he thought about a lot of things, but the thought that he couldn’t keep out of his head was the reason that he didn’t like el.

 

what was there that wasn’t to like? her brown doe eyes were simply to die for and when her hair finally grew out the gorgeous curls only added to the equation. why couldn’t he like el? mike knew the answer. he had known the answer for a while, now, but he was afraid. he was afraid of the answer and all of the weight that came with it. he didn’t want to accept it, but mike knew that he had to come to terms with it if he wanted to be happy again.  
_

since the fourth grade, mike knew that he had a crush of some sort on his best friend, will byers. it wasn’t something that he noticed right away; it took him quite a while to organise his feelings.

 

it started with mike finding himself staring at will more than usual, for no particular reason other than finding will pretty. the first time the word came to mike’s mind when he was thinking about will, he surprised himself. pretty was an adjective for girls, as he had learned in the first grade, but there was simply no other way to describe will’s gentle green eyes and soft smile.

 

when mike finally realised that the reason he had all these thoughts about will was because he liked him as more than a friend, he freaked out. boys were supposed to like girls! boys were only supposed to be friends with the same gender, right?

 

he had heard things about boys that liked boys around hawkins throughout the years. usually, people would joke around; if two boys were being to touchy-feely, they would be called ‘gay.’ but worse things had come from the mouths of the same people. being gay is a sin! being gay is unnatural! being gay is against god’s wishes!

 

so mike decided not to act upon his feelings and ignored them, even if he couldn’t completely forget about them.

 

these memories came back to mike and washed over his brain with a cold wave of new fear. what if el found out? what if lucas and dustin found out? what if nancy found out? what if his parents found out? what would they say? what would he do?

 

but there was another problem.

 

mike knew that he wasn’t gay, because from what he’d heard, you had to be a boy who liked strictly boys to be gay, and mike liked girls too. he doesn’t deny it when lucas points out that he’s blushing if they walk past a cute girl around town, and he’s liked girls in the past, believe it or not.

 

so if he wasn’t gay, what was he?  
_

when el sacrificed herself during the battle with the demogorgon in hawkins middle, it was impossible not to be sad. she took her own life for a boy that she’d never met.

 

mike was grateful for her, but as much as he didn’t want to say it, he felt a bit more relaxed when she was gone. he didn’t have to keep up his act, and he didn’t have to keep her happy. it was more calm without el, and along with will being back, mike felt on top of the world.

 

one day, about two weeks after el disappeared, mike was over at the byers’ house to hang out with will. he loved lucas and dustin, but he wanted to have some alone time with will.

 

the boys were sitting on will’s bed with a record playing in the background. mike was watching will draw a field of multicoloured roses when will’s head snapped up. the record changed to an upbeat song with a fast chorus and will turned to mike, smiling and mouthing the words to the song.

 

will stood up, grabbing mike’s hands and pulling the blushing boy toward himself.

 

mike was laughing to cover up the fact that he was absolutely petrified. did will think that he knew how to dance? because mike absolutely did not. but will only intertwined their fingers and jumped up and down, making mike follow suit. they were both smiling like idiots and in that moment, will was the most beautiful thing mike had ever seen.

 

 

as the song started to slow down, signaling the ending, will stopped jumping and looked at mike with a mischievous glimmer in his eye. he unclasped his left hand from mike’s right and put that hand on mike’s back.

mike only figured out what will was planning to do when he was being dipped down until his head almost touched the floor. despite the obvious height difference, will held mike until the song ended, keeping eye contact the whole time. mike was blushing furiously and his head being upside down wasn’t helping in the least. 

 

will finally pulled him up, one set of their hands still holding onto the other. they stood there for a minute, staring into each other’s eyes. 

 

mike didn’t know what he was doing when he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to will’s cheek, regretting it as soon as he pulled back. 

 

‘fuckfuckfuck why did i do that what if he gets mad holy lord that was a bad idea jonathon’s gonna beat my ass—‘

 

mike’s thoughts were interrupted by will returning the favour, standing on his toes to set his lips to mike’s cheek and smiling coyly. “you’re not a bad dancer, wheeler,” he said, laughing. 

 

mike smiled. “i think the correct term would be jumper.”

 

will only shook his head and led mike back to his bed, letting go of his hand (much to mike’s dismay) so he could continue his drawing. 

 

as the next song played, mike slowly started to realise that the band sounded ... familiar. after zoning in on the singer’s voice and how the instruments in the background were playing, mike came to the conclusion that the band playing was called “queen”, and from mike’s research (aka watching all of their interviews), the lead singer, freddie mercury, was gay. 

 

his heart swelled. if will knew that the singer was gay, and he was against gay people, he wouldn’t listen to the band, right? 

 

mike decided to take the chance. 

 

“hey, will? this might seem like a weird question—it’s for, um, nancy—do you know anything about being gay?”

will raised an eyebrow. “nancy’s gay?” 

 

“no! no, she’s just doing research for a project and she doesn’t know where to find anything about it.” 

 

for the next twenty minutes, mike asked as many questions as he could think of about being gay and will answered them all, along with giving him new information. for example, mike didn’t know there was such a thing as being “pansexual”, or “asexual” or any of those fancy words. 

 

but the one word that stuck in mike’s brain was “bisexual”. will had described it as “basically just liking boys and girls. it’s in-between being gay and being straight.” 

 

so on that day, in the byers’ residence, at 6:43 pm, the year 1984, mike wheeler figured out that he was bisexual.  
_

when el reappeared, that one night in the byers’ home, mike was anything but happy. his heart dropped and as he saw el walk through the door, hair slicked back, black make-up smudged, he knew that he had to do something soon if he wanted to make it out of this mess alive. 

 

unfortunately, that wasn’t something he was going to do in the moment. instead, he turned his tears of fear into tears of happiness with a forced smile, and he let an invisible force shove him into el’s arms against his will. mike let it hold him there, and mike had to stop himself from sobbing. he lied to el. he said that he had been waiting for her. 353 days. and she said that she knew. but right before el pulled out of the hug, she whispered something into mike’s ear that sent a shiver down his spine. 

 

‘you are mine. not his.’

 

and with that, the invisible force let go of mike, and el turned around to greet dustin and lucas like nobody’s business.  
_

it was finally the dreaded day of the hawkins middle snowball of 1984. mike shamefully tugged on his suit, wishing that it were a certain green-eyed boy that he was going with instead.

 

the dance started out okay. the only thing he really had to do was pretend that he was astounded by how el looked. it was true, she looked pretty, but a certain boy that he’d known since kindergarten was looking much prettier in some random girl’s arms. 

 

the problems started when they began to dance. mike never planned on actually dancing, but he decided to take the risk so he could stop the questioning looks coming from lucas and dustin. 

 

mike let el lead him to the floor, where his hands magically made their way to her waist. karen had tried to give him a dancing lesson before they left the house, but he, already depressed and annoyed, refused. now, even if he didn’t want to be dancing with the girl before his eyes, regretted his decision, as he kept stepping on el’s toes. 

 

as the end of the song edged closer, mike was getting less and less tense. when it was over, he could pretend to be sick from the punch they were serving and use a school telephone to call his mom and tell her to pick him up. but his plan was spoiled when el, completely against his will, pushed their lips together into a tense kiss. 

 

mike pulled back as soon as their lips touched, his eyes wide. el had crossed the line. 

 

he glanced over her shoulder to see max and lucas dancing together, starry looks in their eyes and smiles on their faces. mike knew that he would never feel that way with el. he knew that he never had. and all of the doubts that had been locked away pushed past their restraints, flashing toward his brain, and his heart finally let go of the dream he had to find the perfect girl to love that loved him back, because in that moment, mike finally let himself realise that the person that was meant for him was will byers, and it always had been, since that day in kindergarten. 

 

mike forced his hands off of el’s waist and grabbed her wrist, pulling her out of the gym into a small hallway that eventually led to the reception desk. when they were out of sight of any windows, mike sighed and let go of el, putting his hands in his pockets. 

 

“okay, el, i’m sorry that i have to do this right now, but i need you to know that we’re just friends. like brother and sister. what i told you before, well, i only said it because i was confused. please don’t be mad, okay? but we’re just friends.” 

 

el stood there for a moment, and mike, too scared to look her in the eye, heard sniffles. 

 

“was it him?” 

 

“no, el, it’s not—“

 

“friends don’t lie, mike.”

 

“i—“

 

“FRIENDS DONT LIE!”

 

mike looked up to see tears streaming down el’s face, her hands balled up into fists and her whole body shaking. 

 

“i’m sorry, el! i just didn’t want to hurt you!”

 

“WELL LOOK, MIKE! I AM HURT!”

 

with el’s final word and the flick of her head, mike was thrown into the wall beside them, el dropping to her knees. 

 

“shit!” he whimpered, the left side of his face burning with pain. he brought his hand up to his face and held the injury, tears escaping from his eyes. 

 

“mike! mike, i—i’m sorry, i’m sorry mike,” el gasped, standing up to rush over to him, pushing his hair out of his face. 

 

mike looked up at her, pushing her hand away. “i don’t want your help,” he said, pushing himself up with his back against the wall and running into the gym, still holding his face in his hand. 

 

he crashed into a crowd of people, apologising quietly as he ran through dancing couples, trying to find nancy. when he did, she was off to the side of the room, dancing with dustin. they were laughing, their eyes lit up, and mike hadn’t seen either of them that happy in a while. 

 

deciding that he didn’t want to ruin their moment, mike stumbled past them and ran through the doors to the small vertical hallway that was separating the gym and the parking lot. just as he started to run toward reception to call his mom, he heard sniffing coming from the opposite side of the hallway. he turned around to see will byers sitting on the floor in a dark corner, his knees pulled up to his chest, crying. will was crying. 

 

will never cries. 

 

mike ran to him, immediately dropping to his knees. “will? will, it’s mike, are you okay?” 

 

will lifted his head, red eyes widening when their eyes connected. “wh—i’m fine, what happend to you? are you okay?” 

 

mike had let his hands fall to grab will’s arms, exposing his bruising face. “oh, that? it was just a, um, run-in with someone. not important.”

 

“troy?”

 

“no ... el.”

will’s breath hitched and he stood up, holding his hand out for mike to take. despite everything happening, when mike took will’s hand, he couldn’t help but blush. will led them outside, where joyce and hopper were standing by their two cars, sharing a cigarette. will ran over to them, holding mike’s hand firmly. 

 

“mom—mom, we need to get mike to the house, he got hurt,” will said quickly. 

 

hopper dropped the cigarette and stepped on it, inspecting mike’s injury. “what happened, kid?” he asked. 

 

“it was ... eleven,” mike said, “but it wasn’t her fault, i—i told her that—“

 

“don’t worry about that right now. where is she?” 

 

“in the hallway to the left of the gym.” 

 

hopper nodded and ran off, leaving joyce with the boys. 

 

“okay, will, get mike into the backseat. you can come home with us, sweetie, i’ll call your mom when we get there to let her know that you’re spending the night,” joyce said, jumping into the drivers seat while will opened the back door for mike. 

 

when will got into the car, he seemed to have entirely forgotten that there were two seats in the back of the car, scooting as close as he could to mike and pulling him into his chest, causing mike to blush even more when he kneaded his fingers through his dark wavy locks. 

_

arriving at the byers’ home was like arriving at his own house. it was so familiar to him that he felt like it was a safe haven, and he could quite literally go there whenever he wanted for whatever reason. he could tell its natural scent apart from a pile of hundreds of candles, and he was so used to where everything was and where it was kept that he could navigate the home in the dark (although his favourite place to be was in will’s room). 

 

joyce and will helped mike to their living room, setting him softly onto the couch. joyce went into the kitchen to make an ice pack and will sat next to mike, holding his hand and telling him that it was going to be okay. 

 

a few moments later joyce came back with a ziplock bag full of ice for mike’s head, and she sat on the coffee table in front of the boys. 

 

“are you gonna be okay, mike?” she asked, worry weaved into her voice. 

 

“yeah, i’ll be fine, mrs. byers, thanks for helping,” mike answered with a smile. 

 

joyce nodded. “alright. well, you two can go up to will’s room if you want. and for the lats time, mike, call me joyce.” 

 

mike and will laughed and will led mike up to his room, where will pushed aside his crayons and pile of drawings to make space for them to sit. just as will was about to let go of mike’s hand, mike set down the ice and took will’s hand between both of his. “when i saw you in the hallway, you were crying. what happened? you looked happy before, dancing with that girl.” 

 

will smiled weakly. “that was just the thing. i never really ... wanted to dance with her, jennifer. but everyone told me to and i didn’t want them to think i was weird so i did. to be honest, she isn’t even that pretty. but when the song ended and we stopped dancing, i told her that i was—that i’m—“ will sighed, escaping eye contact with mike. 

 

“hey, hey—will, look at me. you can tell me anything, i’m here for you. you know that,” mike said, letting go of will with one hand to push his chin up. will smiled. 

 

“okay … well i told jennifer that i’m, well, that i like boys and not girls … and she kind of freaked out. she called me a faerie … and that she regretted ever touching me. and it kinda hurt but i’m fine, you don’t have to worry.” will concluded, noticing that mike’s eyes were wide. “wait—are you homophobic? god, i’m so sorry, please don’t hate me, you can forget i—“ 

 

“will, no, no, no! i’m not homophobic, don’t worry! i’m all for it! i just—well, i, umm … do you like anyone now? because i thought you liked—was jennifer her name?—for the longest time and, uh, it’s a surprise is all,” mike managed to get out, stumbling over his own words. 

‘do i finally have a chance?’

 

will giggled, covering his mouth with his free hand. “thank the lord, i thought you would jump out of the window or something. and, umm, yes, i do like someone; he’s really pretty and his hair is so soft and i love his eyes—gosh, i could stare at them all day—and i’ve known him for a while and he’s just so perfect, i think about him all the time, but he’s already in a relationship, and he doesn’t like boys, so it would never work out,” will gushed, frowning toward the end of his speech. mike pushed down the impulse to sigh, and his heart dropped. 

 

“anyway, i hope it’s okay if i ask, but what happened that made el hurt you like that? you two have never fought before, and i didn't think that she’d ever use her powers to harm someone, especially you.” 

 

mike chuckled softly. “well, it’s a long story, but i never really liked el. as much as it kills me to say it, i kind of just … used her to feel like i was important, because she was the only person to ever have a crush on me. i had a crush on someone else the whole time we were ‘dating’, but i never told her because i was scared of it, even though i guess she already knew. of everything. of what el would say, of what my parents would say, about what the party would say … of the future. but things started getting to be too much. she started making me do things i didn’t want to do, she made me stay with her because she knew i was too weak to change anything. so i finally did it. i told her we were just friends, and she flipped out. she said she was sorry, but i don’t think things are ever going to be the same between us now. story of my life.” 

 

will sat for a few seconds, taking in everything he learned. a smile creeped onto his face, and he squeezed mike’s hand. 

 

“that’s a really sad story, and sorry she was such a bitch, but who do you have a crush on?” he asked ecstatically, his green eyes lit up. 

 

mike laughed. “after everything i said all you care about is who i like?” 

 

“i said sorry!”

 

mike shook his head. “well, remember a few months ago—or last year, i’m terrible with time—when you taught me about all of those different sexualities? yeah, so i figured out that i’m bisexual—is that how you say it?—because i do, and have liked girls, but the person i’m crushing on is a boy.” 

 

will smiled without covering his mouth, something he only did when he was extremely excited about something, and took back his hand to clap. “i’m so proud of you for figuring out!” will said, and mike smiled. he had no idea that anyone was going to be genuinely excited for him. “now, who is it? give me hints!” will pushed, grabbing both of mike’s hands. they were both trying not to blush. 

 

“well, basically everything you said about whoever you like. he’s pretty much the best thing in the world and i’ve liked him for a long time. in my opinion, it’s really obvious that i like him, but he’s really oblivious when it comes to this stuff. i’d probably have to kiss him on the lips for him to finally get even think about it. as for a hint? well, he’s friends with everyone in the party.” 

 

will’s nose wrinkled up and his head tilted slightly to the left, things that mike has noticed will does whenever he thinks hard about something. 

 

“well, we’re all kind of losers, and the only people who are friends with us are … lucas’ girlfriend and … steve? oh god, is it steve?” will gasped. 

 

mike fake-gagged. “my sister’s boyfriend? i think the fuck not. plus, he’s a senior. no thank you.” 

 

will sighed and unclasped his hands from mike’s. “we don’t have any friends except for ourselves! oh—oh, oh, oh, is it lucas?” he exclaimed. mike raised his eyebrows. will was getting closer to guessing than he thought he would. 

 

“i mean, lucas i kind of hot—don’t tell him i said that!—but no.” 

 

will giggled. “lucas is good-looking, i agree. here, let’s make a deal. i’ll tell you who i like if you tell me who you like—but you have to go first!” 

 

“i refuse to go first!” 

 

“fine, on the count of three. you ready?” 

 

mike took a deep breath. this could change everything. what if will said troy? or lucas or dustin or—what other boys were there? steve? it wasn’t going to be him, that’s for sure. what would he say to will? should he just say dustin? no, mike thought, that’s stupid. i have to be honest, even if he doesn’t like me back. fuck. i have to do this, don’t i? 

 

“yeah, i’m ready.”

 

“okay.”

 

“one,”

 

“two,”

 

“three,”

 

“you!”

 

mike and will looked at each other, astounded with their answers.  

 

“wh-why do you like me?” will asked, genuine disgust laced into his quiet voice. “i’m not … i—i’m not good enough for you … ‘m ugly and too girly and nobody … i—“ will broke off, tears started to form in his eyes as he fiddled with his dress shirt sleeves. 

 

mike grabbed will’s hands. “will, what the fuck? why do you think that? you’re the most beautiful person that i’ve ever seen. ever!” 

 

will only smiled and shook his head, and suddenly mike realised why will always covered his mouth when he laughed or smiled, why he always shied away from compliments, why he would never let anyone win in a fight of who was better looking, why he always wore big clothes, why he always hid behind his hair, why he never talked about himself or his accomplishments, why he always changed in the stalls during gym, why he hated going swimming, pools or ocean, why he refused to have pictures of him taken, and why he rarely ever let anyone that wasn’t a part of his family hug him. 

 

mike let himself realise all of this, simply sitting back, breathless, his eyes raking over the perfect form that was will. 

“can i give you a hug?” mike asked meekly, a blush rising to his face. will sniffled, waiting a moment before burying his head into mike’s shoulder, his arms wrapped around his waist. mike carefully placed his arms over will’s shoulders, pulling him into his chest and closing his eyes. 

 

after what must have been ten minutes, will’s sniffles died down and mike opened his eyes, the first he saw being will’s record player and the stack of records next to it. 

 

“hey will?”

 

“mm?”

 

“since we didn’t get the chance to dance together at the snowball, do you want to dance here? we can have our own snowball, and we’re still in our clothes, anyway.”

will shifted off of mike, his hands naturally clasping into his lap.

“i mean—we don’t have to if you don’t want, i just thought that maybe—“

“no, i want to dance! it’s a good idea. it’s just ... what will people think about us? now that we’re—well, what are we, exactly?”

mike stood up in front of will, holding out his hands for will like the green-eyed boy had done for him what seemed like a lifetime ago. “we don’t have to worry about what others will think. we can keep it a secret for now, if you want. but even if they think it’s weird, or gross or whatever, we just have to ... ignore them. they can’t tell us what to do and they can’t change our minds. all i know right now is that the pretty boy i like is sitting in front of me and i’m about to dance with him for the first time as more than friends, and i’m excited about it. so, will, would you do me the greatest honour of dancing with me on this cold winter’s night in your bedroom?”

will giggled, moving his hand to cover his mouth. mike stopped him before his hand could reach his face and will blushed, looking down. “hey, you’re beautiful.” mike stated softly, pushing up will’s chin before taking his hands into his own and pulling the boy up, starting to sway back and forth.

a memory suddenly flashed into mike’s mind. he was in sixth grade. little mike sat himself outside of nancy’s bedroom while she was on the phone with barb, describing how she felt when she was with steve. she had said there were butterflies in her stomach and fireworks in her brain, and everything was shut down in her body except for her heart, which was beating faster and faster with each passing moment. she told barb about how whenever their eyes connected, happiness exploded seemingly everywhere inside of her. whenever they were together she was nothing but joyful, and whenever they were apart all she could think about was the next time they were going to be together. little mike ran away when nancy heard him shifting against the door and shooed him off, but her words stuck with him, imprinted into his brain.

looking back, mike never felt any of those things with el. there were no butterflies, no fireworks, no thoughts of the future and no happiness. but when he was with will, there was all of that and more.

as mike was brought back down to earth, he took in the view before him. will was about three-fourths of a head shorter than him, the top of his head coming up to the bottom of mike’s ears. because of the height difference, will had to look up at mike, which only gave i’m a better view of the perfect boy. his green eyes, his soft brown hair, his delicate smile, his constellation of light freckles, his petite, pointed nose, and his lush and pink, perfectly-shaped lips. there was no way that anyone could look at will and think, ‘oh, what an unattractive young man,’ because will was simply perfect in an ethereal way, even if he couldn’t see it for himself.

out of nowhere, mike started humming the tune to a song so familiar, but so distant, that he had to think about what he was singing for a moment. when it came to him, he realised that will was humming along.

“wise men say, only fools rush in,”

“but i, can’t, help, falling in love, with, you.”

“shall i stay? would it be a sin? if i, cant, help, falling in love, with, you.”

mike and will swayed on the rug, their fingers tightly interwoven and their eyes never breaking contact, vocal cords straining to hit the perfect octaves and notes to complete the perfect duet. whenever will sang, mike felt as if an angel had blown air from heaven into his face, because it was either that or he just loved will’s voice too much.

“... for i, can’t, help, falling in love, with, you.”

sparks were going off and butterflies were wreaking havoc in mike’s stomach as he felt himself slowly lowering his head to line up with will’s lips, and felt himself getting more and more nauseous as their lips got closer and closer.

‘pleasedontbeadreampleasdontbeadreamp—‘

the tips of their noses bumped together, resulting in both boys giggling before readjusting themselves and trying again.

when their lips finally pressed together, mike thought he was going to faint. will’s lips were as soft as they looked, and mike never wanted this moment to end. it was just as nancy said. he couldn’t feel anything in his body except for the rapid beating of his heart—and his lips pressed against will’s.

mike only realised his eyes were closed when he pulled away and had to open them.

“that was ...” will was blushing furiously, an open-mouthed smile on his face. mike was happy to say that will didn’t try to move his hands to his face. “amazing in every way,” mike finished. will nodded, releasing one of his hands to run through mike’s hair, making the other boy melt under his touch.

sometime in their rhythmic swaying, the boys led themselves to will’s bed, where they cuddled the rest of the night away. 

joyce entered will’s room the next morning to find the boys tangled together under a blanket. she shook her head, smiling, and went to call karen and ask if mike could stay another night.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! leave a comment :D find me on tumblr @ttoziers


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